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Think of a bad date. That totally terrible, awkward experience was probably pretty hectic and short-lived, right? Someone probably didn’t have time to do the full introduction process, so they skipped straight to the hookup. That type of interaction usually leaves the person with more questions than answers and some moral anxiety in the shower the next morning. This is the kind of stereotype most casual sex-loving people would have you believe. Sure, if you don’t get the person’s phone number, or if you ask them their name and they don’t have it on them, then it can seem like they think you’re a scammer. But if you give them a chance to relax into the slow setup, they’re probably pretty down for going the distance as well. And in the real world, those casual sex connections lead to more than just one or two sexual adventures. Consider also the possibility that a perceived hookup was actually an emotional connection. We’ve all had those awkward dates where the person was cool, but pretty fun, right? They’re polite, didn’t seem to judge your funky tattoos, and they didn’t ever get awkward or distant when you shared a joint. Of course, the whole point of going out was for casual sex, but the basis of their behavior wasn’t obviously casual. When it comes time for that first meet up, they’re polite and energetic. If they invited you to a second date, they might have just wanted to get to know you better. Maybe casual sex is just one aspect of you that they’d like to really know. Maybe they’re really great friends, and the sex they’re offering is a welcome diversion from your past, but isn’t really your thing. They might have gone to a different bar. They might have gone somewhere more intimate where they didn’t have to stand in the way of that less than revealing outfit. They might have gone somewhere later, where you can share a good meal together. It takes work to have good, casual sex. It requires effort and attention on both parts, it requires following through. And if a connection is developed, there are plenty of wonderful ways to have even more real-life fun with that same person. How you start casual dating depends on who you are, and where you’re coming from in life. If you’ve never been on a date before, you might not
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If you’re going on Tinder to get laid, chances are, you just want a quickie to get to the bottom of your feelings. But if you’re looking to have a more meaningful relationship, why are you into casual sex? What makes it preferable to a committed relationship? Here’s what: It’s much easier to do it with someone who’s not emotionally invested, and that means you don’t feel guilty or bad or worried about potentially having to break it off after getting what you want. Perhaps you want more and more, but casual sex is also much easier on your wallet. And let’s be frank: If you date someone who treats you well or deeply, whether that’s on the romantical or something more platonic, then it’s going to be hard to casually mess with the emotional commitment of that person. Or even more importantly: It’s very, very hard to let someone else make you feel good, especially when there’s some monetary penalty attached. Casual sex has not only been legitimized in recent years, but veritably been made the social standard, doesn’t mean that it’s always super healthy. People who need to know that they’re having fun because it’s a means to an end, as opposed to an end in itself, are generally less attached in romantic and sexual ways to other people. This frees them up to have sex with strangers — think of how much you can just give a blowjob to someone you just met when you’re focused on yourself (in addition to letting go of a lot of serious emotions). You may encounter a lot of people who say they’re not looking for anything serious or long-term, but that might be just bravado. Casual sex — whether it’s on a swiping app or at the bar — is in many cases a way to weed out the people who aren’t serious. If you’re dealing with a toxic or emotionally toxic person, casual sex may not be the place to be. Your partner may abuse you emotionally, attack you physically, do things that may even be illegal — sex is not the place to be safe from them, no matter what the sex. Likewise, if your interest or desire to have casual sex is coming from the fear or anger you feel toward your partner — or if you’re doing it to punish your partner or to hurt them — well, casual sex probably isn’t for you. Casual sex comes from being a free person of a healthy mindset, not a person who feels damaged and endangered by a relationship and

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